fai's boy dark room and it is now 12:00:38 pm

1.09.2005
2005.

I am not known to make very good, sound decisions. Looking back at 2004, and i see all the fucked up, messed up things that i've did. But sometimes, making those fucked up decisions may just be the route to making a sounder, wiser decision in the future. Even if i've had to make the same stupid mistake for a hundred times.

I've seen the good, the bad, the nasty sides of so many people around me. Sometimes i wonder if i base all my decisions on the things people around me say. Inevitably i guess we all do - being influenced by the way people respond to the actions that you do. Therefore sometimes, making a decision doesn't just stop there. It's not all about sticking to a decision after making it. Sometimes, it's not as 'easy' as that.

I wished some of my friends are more sensitive to certain feelings. That after all, there are always 2 sides to a coin. Sometimes, it saddens me, even angers me that they only see one side, and utterly refuse to see the other one - even after explanations and clarifications. But ultimately, it hurts me to know some truths that exists, and i'd just have to live with it.

Alywin's words kept ringing in my head. "Di will always be di and Mel will always be mel." - you just can't fuse them together - i tthought. It's so stupid that man, being man.. will always want to seek a perfection in life. Quoting from him again, "Contentment is only derived from the gratification of fleeting needs." And of cause, always being countered by the blatant truth by Nicky - "Men are inherently promiscuous."

I guess making a decision is the first step. Having a bunch of friends that need not neccessarily understand the reason why the decision is being made - but still treating and respecting me as a friend is a next step. I'm tired of trying to convince people around me why i had to make a certain decision, but i'm hoping that they'll be a friend to me. I can't deny the fact that sometimes, i can be a fucked up friend, but at the end of the day i love you all. Here's just something i wish to say to you guys:

Nicky - you have been a brother that always tell me that blatant truth. Remembering your words," Xi huan jiu yao, Bu Xi huan jiu bu yao" in translation "Like then want , dun like then dun want". Sometimes you put something so messy into a simple 'yes/no' question. And of cause, you have your times that tell me 'WWND' (what would nicky do) and 'WSND' (what should nicky do). And yes.. we're all going to hell together.

Alywin - my recce commander, my source of lame excuse to go have coffee and beer. My luckyteens, and Maria Takagi mate and my jaychou k-box sing-along pal. Car rides with you on those days where we had no where to go were amazingly filled with good laughter, talk and conversations. Sometimes i feel that you translates many of my thoughts into words and we talk about it. Will miss ya to hell when you leave.

Selwin - No, you haven't been forgotten, and i know that you're going to leave for australia some where mid of this year. Thanks for being a sweetee to diana. A lot of times, away from all the attention from everyone, you'll see who's hurt, and who needs a little talking, and you've done that with diana. Sometimes because of cleaning up a mess that i created. Maybe we haven't been having enuff 'singha' sessions and talking about stuffs, but we've been there and definately will come by again soon one day.

Norman - You are your own opinion. You dictate your life and nothing will stop you from your thoughts, actions, and decisions. - hmm maybe that's wad i could learn from you. You are you lar.. and nothing will ever change that fact about the consistent you.

Johan - No, you're the 4th person i write about but that doesn't mean that you're not important. In fact, you have been one brother that have always stood by me. Remember wad i said to you? Stood by me even after all the people in the world have left me. Tho we have our differences sometimes, i'll never forget your arm around my shoulders, telling me you'll always be there for me. (no, you're not gay.)

Ivan - Try not to get drunk .

In no order of merit and not extensive. I wish all the best in the things you guys do this year. Thanks for being at the NYE's thingy at my un-finished shop. Wished you guys wouldn't been there more often tho' not for cheap labour, but sometimes, just companionship. All of us are moving our seperate routes in our lives. Some studying, some working, some bumming. But i hope the bond that we've created in the past few years are something so tangible that we'll never forget these moments in our life. I for one will definately not. It's something so real in my life, and something so important that i've grown to love.

Love you all,
Louis

| louis at 14:21

1 Comments:

At 6:14 PM, January 09, 2005, Anonymous said...: Oh fuck don't make me cry. Let's do K-Box again and Walas again before i leave man.

- jamaicansexgod

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