the reality show
Just got home from a home-coming dinner for ivan and norman. Then had drinks at alleybar. Things were pretty quiet less the usual norman trying to send a sms thing on aly's phone.
I kinda hate it. The fact that all we 'talk' about now is what we write on our blogs. In some wierd way, so much is not communicated anymore when we go for drinks, and update each other on the recent events that are happening in our lives. It's almost we're not meeting up when we are meeting up.
I hate the fact that Diana has found someone else to share her nomad life with. That I've lost her completely already. I can't get a grip on her anymore, so much so as i don't even have a grip on myself. I hate the fact that i only found out while reading her blog, and even more so when i did felt something about her meeting with this muther fucker, just that i didn't potray it. Ask alywin...wad i said during lunch at his place the other day. I hate the fact that i hate it. I hate the fact that it's exactly what i said she'll be doing. getting a fuck frenche in her life. FUCK.
I hate the fact that we cant talk anymore. Not that i don't want to but i don't know how to. It's a stinky feeling that i'm not in control anymore. I hate the fact that i can't bring myself to feel myself anymore too.
I miss the Singha sessions where we were all downing our beers and telling each other more than just updates. It was filled with laughter, jokes, future dreams, plans...etc.
I miss the time where things were as simple as meeting up for dinner, and watching a show and having supper.
I miss the times where all of us were all into each other's lives as if our very own depended on them.
I miss the potlucks where the guys will be cooking in the kitchen and the girls will be watching tee-vee. The Lord of the Rings movie marathons, Singapore Idols, and drinking wierd shots that i come up with.
I miss the birthday parties we attended, and the times where clubbed all night, ending at a supper place at river valley.
I miss the Diana overnights at my place where we'll be talking and sharing our dreams with each other.
I miss the Diana calling every now and then coz she's bored. Or when i'm bored, i'd call her and make some stupid noise just to amuse her.
I miss making Diana laugh.
I miss telling people about the studio that will now no longer exist.
Very soon, Aly will be leaving for Aust. Nicky will be busy with work. The girls will have their own jobs. Same with the rest of the guys. Diana will still be flying around the world socialising with the merry fucking men of the world. I will still be searching for myself. I will still be wondering what ifs, why didn'ts and should I's. Even if i set my foot down on something, i'll always be back to square one. Nothing works out. I've lost her and I know it. And i hate it. I don't live for others, but i can't stop feeling for them.
Fuck...can't save a game now and play it again when i want to no? Life's not a computer game... it's a reality series.
| louis at 23:52friends
alywin
diana
charmaine
norman
ivan
sahila
mimosa
nicky
sharon
val
gracia
Jenn
sel
previously
going off to taiwan
beijing
...something to remember...before it finally goes....
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PC up, em dumb thing
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2 Comments:
Hey man...frankly, i think the bonds we've forged these years through the Walas, the Kbox, the LANning, the Zouks, the crazy shits we do, will be more than enough to see that our friendship remains till we hit the grave. I'm gonna be stuck in Syd next June so if you guys have the moola, do come down and we'll paint the fucking town purple (red's too cliche). Cool?
Remember, you're suppose to God-pa my kid so don't lose sight of that. Heh~
no one knows i m going to aussie too...........c'mon man.......just because i dont blog doesnt mean i should be forgotten no?
:)
alrity louie boy......i miss singha sessions too ya know....we originated them in Breast Baring THailand.....and i still think that we are stll very much all into each other's lives...we practically have everyones birthdays up our heads already.....
i agree with aly.......the walas the lanning (though i lose all the time), the drinking and even way back into the heatwave office time certainly did spawn something that i don't think will be lost.....so all's cool with me....when u have the moolah.....just come by aussie land....we will fix somewhere in between queensland, perth and sydney........
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