sleepless week
This week has got to be the tiring week. Maybe i'm just frustrated that things aren't working out the way i thought it could be. May i'm just overwhelmed by the many thoughts that are in my head.... ho well. Had a shoot at samuel's place yesterday.... some pipa player and a gay pianist.. wad combination.. no wonder they're performing together. No Pay shoot from 10pm to 1am. Prior to that i had a painful evening trying to retrieve the camera for the shoot. Johan was to pass to Nick for a photo shoot he had in the afternoon. at1730, when i called Nicky to arrange for the camera, he said he didn't get it from Johan in the end. I had to go all the way to Eunos to get the camera from Johan's maid. Then on the way to Eunos, I got a phone call from Johan saying that the memory cards are with him... in Tampines!.. I had to go all the way there. Then went all the way back to city hall to carrie's mason to get my supplies from nicky. Spent some time there... all this while in my uniform! Crazy... by the time i got home to change, it was already 2130. Then for the shoot. Argh.....!!!!!!!!!!! I totally hate it too that the fact that the shophouse is on a standstill... WAs suppose to spend the next week fixing up the studio so that my shoot in mid NOV will happen. Looks like i'll be forking out to rent a studio. argh. i'm so damn frustrated that the fact that the Koat Farm doesn't have a name. hmmm.... all so undecided, i dun even know if it's still on. > JUST SAW MY DREAM CHRISTMAS /BIRTHDAY PRESENT........ Ipod Photo... power horse machine.. an MP3 player and a photo storage/viewer. Totally my combination. Too bad it doesn't take photos.. if not i'll be ordering it straight away. The SG prices are like S$800+ for the 40GB one and S$1088 for the 60GB one... my friend from the US can get it fer me at S$760 and S$970 under the educational pricing. Greatest Sigh... so bloody expensive... but so bloody nice...
>Things are finally getting okie with the guys and all. Not that it hasn't but it was a lil rocky i suppose. Thanks to Nicky. And no, you're not a smoke smitten charcoal pit after a bbq. Mel and I are seeing each other again quite so often again. And things are alrite. I'm still having fleeting emotions about this whole matter, esp after reading nicky's blog. I was reminded about wad i told him - have i just let the best thing in my life slipped away? - to his reply, he said to enjoy the moment first... which sucked coz does that mean that the 'moment' WILL definately end?
>I was quite perturbed when i read di's blog. I felt absolutely horrible. I am definately biting my own arse now when i read about how she is getting intimate with another guy. I guess it's horribly stupid and unfair fer me to make such a statement as i've done the same, and even more. If i'm feeling so fucking painful right now, how so was she feeling when i was happily on the romp? Man this sucks. I felt that she is really in the move.. and is trying to forget stuffs and move on. This was what i set out for us to do... and this is regretful. Do i still think of her? yes...I feel torn and broken. Happy for her? yes... to a certain controlled extent. Fuck. ok.. last thing.. this is really childish.. but she actually named her friend "DA-MAN"... that's my fucking name.... guess this fucker doesn't matter to her anymore.. which is expected and... to me... such a well thought of sock in the face. Ah....=(
>In another light, I'm kinda feeling frustrated too the fact that 2 of my bestest friends are hitting on mel. One of them is takin her out to the gym....gym buddies...same kind of dog...going to watch plays ans musicals!! And i wouldn't know all this if she hadn't told me. I mean.. I DUN GO OUT WITH MY FRIEN'S GIRL!!!! especially when i dun even know her in the first place. The other one calls her from overseas... and leaves pretty disturbing messages. SIgh..... Wat mess did i gotten myself into?
>Looks like louis has fucked up once again...He doesn't really do well in relationships... man, half mans... and woman...He doesn't seem to handle people as well as he does in his professional life. He can only last as long as his first breath when it comes to relationships. His mind is totally drained of any rational. His thoughts are total shit when it comes to emotional values. He is covered in smoke all year creating a certain smog when he moves around. He's a fucker... a mean one.
>Anywayz, I'm off to China. Hope Chairman Mao has something for me there. Can't believe this..i'm going all the way there to buy an arrowhead that di lost for me.. as stated in 22.8.2004 entry para 1 onwards. Stupid? yes.. that's me...
| louis at 19:05friends
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2 Comments:
Calling someone else "da man" was just a figure of speech and was never meant as a slap in the face. No matter how bad things are, at least you know you've got someone special who you can call anytime of the day without feeling like you're interrupting, someone special who you can go out with and be yourself, someone special who you know cares about you and what you think. I don't have that. So as much as it hurts to say this, treasure it and plead the fleeting moment to last...
It's time to step out Louis. You're miserable because you're not admitting the fact that you're gay.
Just say it. I'm GAY GAY GAY!
Liberate yourself and join me~! Whatever decisions we make, however happy we want ourselves to be because of those decisions, we still are suckers for finding pain for ourselves.
Which is why I highly emphasise on being happy during the moment and drop anything that would remotely make us sad.
But people aren't called people for nothing, so i guess... we all like to wallow... =(
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