fai's boy dark room and it is now 06:28:50 am

8.24.2005
The Walk Back

I've just got back from meeting Cheena at the starbucks - Talking about a possible shoot for his group this weekend or next. Some kind of band looking shoot. Not a paid job, but I'm pretty excited at the possible outcome. Somehow or rather, I tend to prefer such 'jobs', not because there's little stress involved due to non-paying clients, but it seems like more of my creativity stands out.

I popped by borders to check out this magazine called 'Flaunt' - a magazine that never fails to suprise me with very interesting images and photos. The last time i checked the magazine was when I was doing a nude project with this girl, and incidentally, the month's issue was on women. This month had a feature on groups; which hits the spot once again. It's an expensive magazine and I wouldn't recommend anyone to buy it. But once again, I bought it.

While browsing at borders I came across this small magazine that I use to flip thru - 'Lens at Work'. It's not so much of a pictorial spready mag, but more of thoughts and ideas in imagery mag. Read this article that said something like," A Picasso will always look like a Picasso, same goes with the various other artists mentioned". Come to think of it, we've always tried to emulate the works of people that inspires us, but end of the day, a Van Gogh will look like a Van Gogh, and a James Blunt song will always sound like a James Blunt song.

We spend half our lives chasing after such ideals and trying to look like something, or someone, and we use others' ideals to match-make our styles. We shape the way we behave according to social standards and for me, I try to shoot like Pete Lau. End of the day, do i look at my work and marvel it as "Looks like a John Beardsworth shot, with a smattering of Ross Halfin", or do I take it has my own and say "Now that's a Louis Kwok shot ?

As i was walking home i kinda think of the many things that I have done, and somehow feel that at many times, I am who I am from the various experiences and influences over my life. I can't exactly pinpoint who did wat or which book directed me to my 'style', but whatever it is I think it will slowly reveal in it's own time. Looking at my friends, I kinda see what happens to them, and as a 3rd party looking on, It's like watching a movie played over and over with ever-changing endings. People say that everything happens for a reason - the thing is do we take the time to pinpoint what that reason is?

For example,

I feel that Selwyn has been thru a pretty rough patch recently - thru all his emotional blah blah, that he can be much stronger in terms of dealing with a relationship. How to give in, or not give in, or how to see when he should be thinking for himself, and not entertaining people, or maybe even being bolder in terms of meeting people and not focusing all his energy on one person that may zap it away from him.

I feel that Nicky has also been thru a time that he obviously regrets. But even after many after his ex, he probably 'discovered' that comfort doesn't lie on replacing a loved one. And he probably knows this, but I'm darn sure the next girl that he falls in love with, he'll hold on to her so tight and never let her go.

I feel that Ivan will come back with the success story about a boy who packed up and left the country with only a shirt on his back, and made it good in a foreign land. He'd probably learn that with life, it's only too short not to take chances. I believe he's doing rather well in the UK, and from a penniless jobless person, he is now on his way to paying his own school fees. I mean, how many kids can say that these days?

On a lighter note, I feel that Alywin is learning the way of a married life now, by staying 24/7 with Charmaine. =)

Oh whatever it is, sometimes we recognise it, sometimes we take a longer time to. It's just better late than never. For me? I feel that I've pretty much learnt how not to take too many chances all the time.

I once said that I hate to use material on blogs to judge a person. What use to be a platform for personal anonymous thoughts, has now become a news-centre for people to 'get to know you better'. I still hate that. And for awhile I was worried on what people might think of me when i update my blog. But wtf.

I am pretty thankful that i just came out of the relationship that i was in for the past 6months. Probably will never know how much shit i stirred during that period of my life. I am thankful that she's out of my life, and in a certain way I am somehow happy that I am moving on. Looking back, I wondered how did i managed so long. Maybe it's just the sex, but it probably ends there. And I've learnt how patient i can actually be - which probably aint a bad thing. So good. From now on, It's going to be good.

I'm not going to let someone else take me away from me again.

And in the wise words of Calvin Yeo, "Fuck that Shit, mutter Fucker"

| louis at 23:16

1 Comments:

At 11:35 AM, September 01, 2005, Anonymous said...: We're all a million and one experiences put together in one soul soul yet we share the uniformity of living this life together as friends... that's incredible to me man...

You've definately grown a lot yourself too learning that decisions come with consequences, often bad and all, but that's life! =)

You don't have to worry about a thing in life becos no matter how shitty things become, everything flows... like a toothpaste out of the tube... Everything flows ma brudder~...

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