fai's boy dark room and it is now 09:36:39 pm

12.05.2005
a lil update fer the begining of the week

Have you ever walked into a church and felt as if the whole world is staring at you even though all their backs are facing you? Yet, have you ever walked into a church and felt as if nobody in this world cared about you at all?

It's been 5 years since i started my run from GOD in search for gods. And whist today was a self-made decision to go for service, I felt compelled to walk up to the front and let God know that I'm there. The testimonial preaching today was different from the other messages that we would normally hear. It was unplanned, and spontanious. She was sharing about herself being molested and raped as a child for years, ran away from home, did the whole deal of drug abuse, alcohol and suicides. And finally found her existance and her purpose with her God. What made me pissed was when I look at her, i see a woman that went thru all that in order for 'God' to 'use' her to spread some message. Were those 30 years of her tortured life meant to serve a greater good? Sometimes I wonder if 'God' is 'using' my life for any purpose in anyones' lives? Or rather.. the notion of my life as an object moulded for usage just doesnt sound very pleasant.

Then again, if you believe in this faith, you don't even own your own life... coz it was bought a long time ago. So then why are we living a life, that in theory, doesn't have a choice or say in the supposed decisions that is already created for us to follow? Then making the wrong choice is not a choice anymore?

I feel i'm not making any sense.

Nevertheless I'm glad I was there today, that I finally paid up my pledge and that I saw the place for the last time.

Afterwhich, I met up with Pris for some cosmetic shopping for her first day at work. Then headed to Shisha with some of my batchmates. We had some interesting conversations, which revealed some 'secrets' that were truely .. .. unexpected. Ha. I'm starting to love them.

More photos to be uploaded. Till then..

P/s Thanks for being there today, Eunice - (not like you wouldn't be there anyway, but your presence was greatly appreciated. Nothing beats the company of an old friend.)

| louis at 02:20