fai's boy dark room and it is now 07:57:30 pm

6.20.2005
Empty Chairs

Was speaking to one of my ex-'spiritual leader' on the phone. What was suppose to be a 5min call to thank her for being my msn psychologist, we spoke for over an hour on love, relationships, hate, forgiveness, self-reflection, time-factors, God and the whole deal on living life. I must say that it was totally different speaking to her - comparing how she used to help me out during my bible school days. The problems i faced then - I thought were life-changing and too difficult to handle seems almost microscopic comparing to what i'm facing now. And the problem with me is i often magnify my issues and complicate it further by not dealing with everything. I guess I slightly more clear headed now and may hopefully make better sound decisions - something I'm infamous for not doing.

I then went to the good old "Lido upstairs" for dinner with Johan just now. And had my dose of Long Johns- something i use to have almost once a week. Dinner was a simple affair, and we just updated about our lives. He just finished his bmt and just got his posting order. Good for him he's in a stay out unit. Looking back at my NS life, it was one hellova rollar coaster ride for me. Was one of uncertainty and unforeseen changes - right to the end. From finishing bmt to posting to be a clerk to pilot training to infantry officer training, to spraining my ankle 3 times - in fear of getting shipped out of course, to commissioning as an officer to becoming a staff officer in Mindef, to taking over several projects when we shifted to CMPB, and then lastly just before it was about to end, extended my NSF service to go to Taiwan for to help out the school. I was looking at everything i've done and it was indeed alot! And to me, contradictory to many others who say that it's a 'breeze' and it'll pass very soon, didn't for me. It still feels that it didn't. I think Alywin will agree with me the amount he has learnt when he was in his unit, just is so much - the people he's met and the many things he's went thru, - be put thru circumstances that he never thought he could make it but emerged different and willing to take up greater challenges.

After a chatty dinner at Lido, Johan and I decided to head down to meet Nicky at another good old place that we used to frequent - Brekos. Whilst having a beer with Johan waiting for Nicky to knock off from work and join us, i was just looking around and imagining how the scene looked like a year ago. ->

A few of us will be there looking for seats - about 8-12 seats for that matter. Alywin may be parking his car and walking over with charmaine, norman would probably be waiting outside, being the earliest to arrive. Gracia and Selywn would probably coming down together from either his place of hers. Myself and Diana will also be heading down either from town or home. And nicky will usually call and say he's on his way but would probably still be at home. Elissa will once in a while join us along with Theresa and maybe Evan. And as usual, Ivan and Adrian will be unfashionably late. And we would be probably have 3 tables and all seating around chatting and talking about everything, from school, to finding a job, to about work and the bosses. The guys may be bitching about the army and how long more to get out of it - about the ORD party that we so planned but never materialise. To how we can beat each other in War Craft, and someone will suggest to go lan immediately - much to the dismayed look on all the girls' faces. When asked how's things, Nicky will occasion turn to me and say the one name that he still does 'Alvina'. Sometimes, Selwyn and Gracia will have their little but cute bickerings that most of us will just....ignore. Myself will be looking at other girls much to the 'sighed' give up look on Diana's face. Theresa will usually be teasing Norman about some girl or another, and Norman will always be giving his usual stand of place. Ivan and Adrian will usually be talking about how cheap beer is over at the other side and how they'll be getting their place stocked up with booze and other stuff, often ending with how they'll strategise in warcraft against the horde. The girls will be talking about god knows what coz i usually don't bother. Slowly but surely, we'll end up whinding down and move on home.

Just then at brekos, after having that flash back, I looked around the place. The menus had changed. The staff at brekos had changed, I was seating at the outside area, near the road and was looking in. It was one table, and 4 chairs. Johan and I occupied one chair each and the one beside Johan had his book. the one beside me was empty reserved for Nicky. The mood was mellow and quiet. Nicky arrived and Alywin called Nicky on his phone. Hearing his voice was almost wierd - whilst seating there at brekos.

Everyone has their own jobs, and their own studies, and their own problems and their own things to do in their own respective places. The memories linger and sometimes it seems faded and unclear. But i'm glad we had those moments. Those times that we prob think will last forever and think of just as yet -another group outing- . It's already very amazing how we've still stuck with each other even tho we finished out course of studies at mcm. And i applaud that.

So the 3 of us were there with nothing much to talk about, just the usual updates. The converstations were like a tiny candles. It was ... simply put - nice.

All the best guys, and girls. hope my UK dudes are doing fine, the Aust couple getting by winter, and the rest will be taken care of by whatever they believe in.

| louis at 01:04

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