I just lost my arrowhead that i bought from beijing 2 years ago. It was a precious artifect that i kept with me thruout. I never left the country without it. Call me sentimental, call me dumb, childish and silly, but i really loved it. Where at? at one of the worst b-day party i've ever been. the birthday girl was late. We were already started eating, we made most of the food. And it could have been ..hey.. our own lil party. But wtf, it was a pretty boring, plan-less event. I was drained doing nothing, trying to keep myself entertained. oh.. and guess who lost it for me?.. my very own D - whom i left with specific instructions to keep it for me, coz i know that she knows that it's important to me. Wat a bitch head she is. Totally stupid. dunno why i'm still stuck with her. maybe it's becoz i was looking forward to her flying away and all, leaving me all alone. that was a good idea... and indeed, i really preferred it without her. but wtf, coming back to earth, i tink i'll have to deal with the matter. I really can't seem to find a reason why i'm with her.. and no.. that hoobastanky song does justify it either.

anywayz.. today was pretty moody.. maybe becoz last nite, D was telling me how she really doesn't like how the guys are treating her. Something about not givingher enuff respect and all that. And her being slow, ditzy and bimboish. SO i guess she hates knowing that she is like dat?.. hmmm.. oh well.. nothing i could say helped, she wanted to spill everything out,... i'm suppose to listen. (hey..isn't tat wad the venus/mars book taught us?), then when i kept quiet, she got angry that i'm quiet. wtf... females are really weird no? Well, she was actually contemplating to stop going out with the gang anymore. She said she had enuff of being pushed around, and being taken for granted that she's a nice person. stupid i think is more like it, being trampled over and not saying anything right at the begining.. she is nice i must say. But that's the exact reason of her downfall. The world is so complicated, and a fairy-tale just doesnt exist. Something that just dun get in her.

And her being nice and all ... is honestly taken for granted by not just some pple in the gang, but by her working pple, her ex-working pple, hell.. lets just throw in her parents too. And one more thing.. I totally hate being at her place. Each time i'm there it seems like i'm just waiting for time to just pass.. that's why i like sleeping there, hoping that each moment will pass quick. I totally hate it that the fact that her parents want to get to know me.. hey .. you know wad?.. I DON'T~! geez... can't i just be left alone? i remembered someone once told me her mantra.. "in order not to sin in this world, .. just stay at hone and sleep".. To me.. it's now more like.. "to stay out of trouble, dun stir shit in the first place". Yes.. I'm being childish, i'm being selfish, i'm being totally self-centred and a anal prick. HEY It's MY FUCKING LIFE... Does anyone even cares how i feel?.. Each time i organize somebody's birthday.. somebody's something... i'm always..
standing in the backstage peering thru the red curtains. And hey.. guess wad DID i do at my birthday?.. plan it myself.. hah.. wtf. Maybe i'm being taken advantage too? maybe i should just stay in my darkroom and eventually turn into a vampire...

I just feel sooooooo ANTI-SOCIAL now....
dun bother me.

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